The fourth trimester a.k.a. three months old a.k.a. the "blur"
I took a lot of showers. It was a safe place to cry, which I admittedly did a lot of. I remember vividly Bryan stepping in with me, right after we got home from the hospital. He felt my uncertainty even though he might never understand it. So he held me as I stood there not totally identifying with the bowl of jelly that oscillated between my ribs and my hips. As the sun began to set each evening, I ran around the house like a banshee to turn on all the lights and light every candle. I did not want to be reminded of the long night ahead. She didn't sleep a lot, and neither did we. I did however master lots of skills in 30 seconds or less: make the bed and perfectly arrange all eight pillows (first time I ever agreed with Bryan that all those pillows were senseless), assemble or disassemble the pump, brush teeth, strap Soph into the car seat and pull out of the garage (movement was key to no crying), the list goes on. I learned to exhaust every second the 50 minutes I had between nursing sessions - a quick walk and a shower, or Target and lunch to-go... then we settled back in with the boppy in a comfy corner of the sofa.
Months four and five
First flights, road trip (we prefer flying for sure), formula, her baptism, laughter, enjoying the exersaucer and her beloved Sophie the Giraffe. Life was good again as I exited the fog and entered the warm sun with my beautiful baby girl. Our Gerber photo shoot was so much fun and Sophie's first payday - something I'll never forget. Baby girl started sleeping through the night, I'm talking 12 hours without waking. I joke that she's making up for all the sleep she didn't get as a newborn. We sold the house and I was worried about the transition for her. She did fantastic... didn't skip a beat and practically slept the entire time the movers unloaded all of our booty.
Months six and seven
The firsts started coming almost one on top of another. Sitting up on her own, swim lessons, sitting in a highchair, finally enjoying the bathtub; she changes almost daily. I get so excited when she wakes from her naps, and a little sad at the end of the day to put her down for bed (12 hours before we can play again!). She started crawling, waking some in the night, and alas, a tooth popped through just the other day. And after only two days, she scoots around in that little walker like nobodies business.
I mean.... can you tell that I am totally, fully, wholly in love with this little gummy grinning belly laughing baby girl? I'm enamored. She marches to her own beat, we just follow. Just some days I wish she would stay itty bitty forever, I do not want to wish away my time with her now. The only thing constant is change... and a mother's love. xoxo